Day 25: What are your weekends really for?

As I'm writing this, it is 825a on a Saturday.  As I sat with my tea and journal this morning, I started to jot down my business goals for the day as I do on weekdays (and apparently have been on weekends without even realizing it!) and I came to a grinding halt. 

I asked myself, "I am 3hrs from home, with friends who will be getting up in an hour, with all the kids, going to a bday party...what the heck am I doing?!"

I'll tell you what I was doing.  I was letting my inner workaholic come out.  I learned yesterday what that phrase actually means:

• having a constant feeling that you should be "doing something" or "taking care of something"
• constantly being digitally connected-checking phone constantly for instance 
• unable to be fully present in the moment often
• overworking
• always feel that work needs to be done, it is in your thoughts all day in some way or another
• endless to-do lists
• constant starting of new projects
• often don't follow through to completion
• distracted easily and often
• veg out to tv in an attempt to "relax"
• unable to just sit and be without doing

I used to assume it was simply someone who was always working and preferred work to anything else.  I certainly couldn't ever be a workaholic.  I need down time and I love my family etc etc

Then I realized: I am constantly in my head thinking about projects or things I need to do, ideas, how much I should be doing.  I'm  always thinking about my personal work, the never ending stuff of home life, and a million other things.  I flit from task to task, often not fully completing one because another job suddenly became more important.  My brain is always working.

Hello, my name is Alexandra...and I am a workaholic.

So, that means that my weekends have been for house projects, writing, cleaning, working on website/blog/instagram, and more.  Without being 100% fully present for most of time.

I'm gonna say this loud so the people in the back can hear it: 

WEEKENDS ARE NOT FOR WORK

So let's talk about what weekends ARE for.  Before you ask, yes, I will cover single people/couples/people with kids and without/people who have family and those who don't. 

 1: Family

This is for families of all types, kids of all ages.  Find ways to connect, even if it's only for a couple hours.  But TRY to get outside, go to a movie, go for a walk, play board games, go to a park, go swimming, go to a library, playdates, throw a random tea party or football party, video game family challenges (carnival games is fun for everyone!), bowling etc.

MOVE and ENGAGE as a family.  I swear to you, it will help everyone as you move into the week again.


This means that you are UNAVAILABLE FOR WORK.  Yup, of any kind.  And before you say "I can't do that my job needs me" I want you to ask yourself if they truly utterly will collapse if you don't answer that text or email?  Are their needs more important than that of your family? Of your children? Of your heart?  NO business that is worth a thing needs you to work 7 days a week at all hours.  If it is asking that, you better ask yourself what in the world you are doing.  Because, and you may get mad at me for saying it, it is utterly in your control.  YOU allow the demands.  Or maybe you even make them!  You may be a single parent, you may be struggling financially and have multiple jobs.  I get that.  Been there on the financial end.  Witnessed the single parent too often to mention here with friends and I KNOW, as much as any person who hasn't fully lived it can, what you face.  And you are all amazing.  And even you have control over your boundaries.  In fact, it's one of the 3 things you can control.  Your boundaries, your reactions, and your thoughts/actions.   You will regret for the rest of your life if you make you are living to work instead of working to live.
Decide what your off hours will be.  Make that utterly unshakable.  Nonnegotiable (ok, if your work requires you to go to Germany, clearly that week, you cannot maintain that.  But you can still maintain time to video chat/call/rest)  You chose this amazing family right? You are there because deep down you want to be right? Then own that.  And know that it is 1000% ok to say "I am off work" and mean it.


I promise you, you will not regret the games played, adventures had, conversations had, pictures taken, or snuggles on the couch.

But at the end of their lives a massive massive percentage of the aged say they regret working so much and wish they had spent more time on what matters.

Yes society says we have to hustle.  And in ONE way, it's right.  When you are at work, hustle your butt off.  Work hard.  When you are off however, be off.   It's worth it.  I and hundreds of documented wise old people of our tribe say so. 


2: Friends


Let's say you don't have a family, or like me, you do...regardless most of us have friends.  People who make us laugh, hold our hands when we are shakey, enrich our lives, and are worth every second we give them!

Here's the hard belief I'm gonna drop: Friends are family too. 

Yes, your close friends are your second family.

In fact they have shown, particularly in america, that the people we surround ourselves with and share our life with are the ones our mind and hearts identify as family in the sense of how we react when shown images etc of them.  Our brains light up the same as they do for healthy families looking at pictures of each other!  You have two families in this world: the family you are born into, and the family you make.  In fact, lot of psychologists will agree that often times, that family is actually far more crucial to your daily mental health than your blood family as an adult, particularly if you have a rough relationship with your biological family (parents/siblings)
 

Let your freak flag fly!

BE YOURSELF!  If you can't honestly be yourself, then you are with the wrong "friends".  You deserve to be loved and accepted for who you are.  Your quirks, your personality, your interests.  Make sure you have people in your life who let you be you!  And you may have a couple close groups of friends.  The gamers and the dinner partiers (often we are one and the same. Just sayin).  The deep thinkers and the pool sharks (also, often the same).  But make sure that whoever you spend your weekend time with fills up your joy cup.  That you energize each other, relax each other, and make some awesome memories.  A weekly game night is a great idea!

3: Your Partner

Not one professional will argue that spending quality time with your partner is CRUCIAL.  It doesn't have to be expensive outings, vacations, or "important".  It simply needs to be good, connected, present time.  Play scrabble, watch Netflix, cook together...anything!  But spend it truly present in each others company.   Every now and then, throw in a different activity!  Take a walk somewhere new, go on a drive, do an escape room, walk around the house naked...whatever! (Obviously, for some of this you need a sitter if you have kids.)


4: Creative Time

Do you have a hobby you love? Carve out a little time for it at least a couple times a month.  Paint, draw, write, sculpt, play the piano, the drums, the harpsichord.

If crafting is your jam, set aside a crafting hour or two.  If you have kids, heck set them up with one too!  Your creativity doesn't have to be a solo activity.  Mix it with friends or family as much as you want, so long as you still get to genuinely enjoy it.

5:Yourself

I show a workout photo here because it is one of the ways I know to truly take care of yourself.  Another is a fantastic bubble bath, but I simply didn't see a photo that grabbed me this morning.  Sorry! Imagine a luxurious bubble bath, or a spinning bath bomb, or a steaming shower ok?

Pour into yourself over the weekend.  The week can take a lot out of you, make sure you are letting your batteries charge.  Work out, take a nap, soak...whatever you need. 

A side note: Put down the electronics for a bit each day.  When with family, friends, or even in your alone time.  Take a moment to simply breath in and BE in the moment.  If you can't put them down (you take pictures a lot for instance),  put them on silent.  It can be so easy and tempting to just scroll all day long and play games on it.  But that rarely leaves you feeling reset or full.  In fact, it has proven to make people feel they wasted the day/weekend and then they go into their week feeling wasted and drained.  Humans are not electronics.  We don't recharge off of them.  We recharge from  different types of connection.  Our people, our animals, and ourselves...nature itself.  The simple act of breathing will give your body more real satisfaction than the pictures of Aunt Betsys neighbors bbq. And hey, if you struggle with this idea why not try a phone box or tray? Put them away, out of sight and watch what happens!

To sum it all up: Work ends when your weekend begins (and hey your weekend may be Tuesday/Wednesday I was a server for years, I get it!)

DO WHATEVER BRINGS YOU JOY.  That is really what I'm getting at here.  Whatever brings you joy.