Day 16: The S Word

No.  I don't mean that word. No, not the German variation either. Also, not talking about sassafras.

I'm talking about Should. 

Or to more exact, Should Be.  I don't mean using it like this: "well the carrots should be done in about 15 minutes".  No no no.  Should Be is often with her twin sister, Supposed to Be. You may have met them a few times.  They sound a little something like this:



I should be further along than this.
The kids should not react that way.
I should be better at this.
This shouldn't be so hard.
My mom should be alive.
I shouldn't have lost a child.
I should be perfect.
Life should be
I should have accomplished.....

Or
I am supposed to be further along in life by now.
My kids are supposed to behave.
My mom is supposed to be here, not dead.
Life is supposed to get easier.
I'm not supposed to have this disease.
I wasn't supposed to get divorced.
I'm supposed to have it together by now.
This house wasn't supposed to have all these issues....


I'm gonna tell you right now, 90% of the time, the twins are flat out wrong.  They give more false information than the National Enquirer. More than the Onion.  More than great aunt Gertrude who has messed up every bit of information she has ever passed along, bless her heart.

The thing about Should Be and Supposed to be is that they rarely stop with normal, helpful hints.  For instance, Should Be might start out wonderfully!  She may say "Hey, I know you're loving that tv show...but you should be folding laundry.  You've avoided it for 4 hours already."  In this instance she is so helpful!  But before you know it, she's nagging you.  "You should have dinner ready.  You should be playing with the kids, not folding laundry now.  You should have showered earlier and shaved.  You should always be patient.  You should have prepped for tomorrow earlier.  You should volunteer more.  You should be far more educated in the way they teach math now. " an oh that list goes on and on....  Supposed to Be is pretty similar. Although she is a bit sneakier.  She is a passive thought ninja.  While you are doing things, things, she will sneak in...usually with a little serving of discontentment for you.  "Ya know, school isn't supposed to be so hard I can barely breathe due to homework.  My partner is supposed to be totally supportive of my ideas.  I'm supposed to be great at this by now.  I was supposed to be healthy.  " and on and on.

See how they work? It's like two sides of the same coin, and they work very, very, well together. But here is the deal.  You can totally curb their input. You can put them back where they belong, in the "actual alerts" corner. 

Kind of like a dog who gets away with too much and starts trying to be the alpha, these two can try to take over.  You have to put it right back in it's place and reassert your control of the pack.  Your thoughts and words are no different.

So tell Should Be and Supposed to Be to get back in line, that they don't get to dictate what your life actually is. 

See, life isn't a "should be" anything in the way they will try to tell you.  There are very few "SHOULD BE " things that are accurate.  Here are the biggest ones:
  You SHOULD be pursing joy. 
You SHOULD be taking care of yourself. 
You SHOULD be growing throughout your life. 
You SHOULD be respectful and have compassion. 
You SHOULD give grace. 
These are all legitimate and POSITIVE things. 

This is where Should Be gets to live.  Supposed to Be... well, honestly she is almost always unnecessary.  Unless you're telling someone when dinner is supposed to be ready. In which case, she's usually pretty close to accurate. Usually.