Day 17: Trigger Happy

Hello hello and welcome to day 17! I thought today would be a good day to bring some awareness to something that is not traditionally talked about when growing up...how to handle our triggers.

Now there are of course different approaches to this, but I am going to share what I've learned.

Trigger: an action/word/situation/sensation that brings up an immediate emotional or physical response; often pertaining to some form of trauma or bad memory.

We all have them.  Not everyone has huge traumas of course, but we all are capable of being "triggered".

It could be a phrase, or the way someone won't look at you when you're talking to them, or a tone of voice, or the way your manager puts a file on your desk.  It can seem utterly banal when it happens!

Here's the deal. 

Triggers are your friends!!!

What?!  Being emotionally incredibly frustrated and upset and even having anxiety spike is GOOD?!

Yes.  Not just yes, but HELL YES.

(Now remember, I have fought anxiety and depression and panic attacks for years, so I'm not speaking out of my butt here.)

See triggers show us exactly what we have NOT dealt with.  They show us those emotional bags of doom we are unconsciously lugging around with us. And if we use them as the tool that they are, oh man they can make your life AMAZING.

See each time you are triggered, you get to face the WHY.  The deep down, nitty gritty, reason why they set you off.  Surprise....it usually isn't about the in the moment trigger.  Or likely the action or words or anything that just happened.

Think of a trigger like a pair of glasses. When you put it on, you can see much better what's right there in front of you.  So when that trigger hits... STOP and ask why?  The initial response might be "because I've asked them repeatedly not to hug me while I'm doing dishes!"  But that isn't it.  WHY does them hugging you while you do dishes trigger you?  Was it abuse? Trauma? Are they getting in the way of completing your task? Why does being thrown off task affect you? etc etc.  Ask WHY until you get to the bottom of it.  Often it is rooted in child or adolescent experiences, but not always.  You'll know when you hit it.  Because there is no "why" after it.  And once that has been laid truly bare, without attaching all kinds of emotion to it (the "why" digging helps to prevent that) you can actually face it.  And deal with it.  And once you recognize it, believe it or not, often the trigger won't happen again.  OR if it does, you can almost instantly quell it.  IE "eep. ok I jumped. relax.  this is not your parent about to wrench you away from the dishes declaring how useless you are.  This is just a hug because they appreciate me" and it simply fades away.

Slowly for some, and very quickly for others, your triggers will vanish.  Or at the very least, stop affecting you. 

"Everything for your good" is a paraphrased biblical reference which boils down to: God may not be able to stop all bad things from happening, but he will find ways for even those horrible things to bring something good to you.  IF we allow it.  We can always, always find a way to grow from even the worst of traumas.  And at the very least, we have the right and ability to take the power back away from those traumas dictating our current life.

YOU get to choose your internal direction.  It will mean focus, facing it, and letting it go. Which means accepting you may never get "justice" for the wrongs done to you.  You may never be vindicated or rescued from the bad past.  But YOU can rescue your future.  You can allow those things that want to destroy you to instead make you even stronger and kinder and better in all ways emotionally. 

Stop fighting the triggers and trying to keep them at bay, they only grow stronger that way.  Instead, welcome them.  Allow them to help you grow and conquer their root.  And then, one day, when you realize you haven't been triggered in weeks, months, years...you will have emerged victorious over every trauma.


*note: some traumas and expiriences may require you to work through it with a therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor.  These are amazing tools!! There is NO SHAME in needing professional guidance or medication to be ABLE to face those triggers! 

*it is perfectly reasonable when dealing with severe trauma triggers that those around you make some accommodations while you are working through it.  Be clear about boundaries you need honored during this time!