Day 22: How to Build Confidence

It is widely stated as the most attractive feature in a person.
It is sought after by moguls and janitors alike.
It can impact literally every single aspect of your life.
It is shown in the media with every stunningly beautiful model and every powerful looking manager.
It is what makes dreams come true and helps us find true love.

It is the holy grail of life.

And we all have the ability to manifest it.
In fact, we've had the ability since we were young children.
Yes, our parents can help instill it in us as children, but I'm talking specifically about how WE as individuals can instill it within ourselves.

Don't worry.  It doesn't involve a trek up a Himalayan mountain (I mean I suppose it could, if that's your thing) but it does involve some hard internal dedication.

See, there is a sure fire way to gain confidence, and it can be done in super easy to achieve small chunks.  (if you're anything like me, by now you are about to start yelling "TELL ME HOW ALREADY!!!  Don't worry.  I'm about to.)

All you have to do is...........

Keep promises to yourself. 

That's it. 

I know, I know, it sounds too simple right? And how in the world does keeping a promise to ourselves help with confidence around others?! The answer to that, dear children, is science.

Ah, that magical study of human brains that was once akin to witchcraft has now shown us how we work, really work, in our depths of consciousness.

See, we judge ourselves ultra harshly compared to how the rest of the world sees us.  As such, that means that when we let ourselves or others down, we berate ourselves far more than anyone else could.  However, studies have shown that if we keep promises to ourselves, we naturally keep more to others AND we start to only make promises we can actually keep! We rewire the promise from being a peacemaking ideal/tool to a followed-through action.  And when you keep small promises to yourself, you also are programming yourself to see your accomplishments instead of failings.

"I went the whole month without added sugar! I am a badass!"
vs
"Of course I only lasted 2 days.  I'm a fat sugar fiend and it was pointless to try.  Now everyone will now how pathetic I am." 

or if perhaps you aren't quite as hard on yourself as that it may look more like this:

"I went the whole month without added sugar! I am a badass!"
vs
"I knew I couldn't do this.  Sigh, well there's the proof.  One more thing I couldn't master."

Do you see how easy it is to fall into the self defaming trap?  Like slipping on ice folks.  Like slipping on ice.  It can happen instantly and quickly.  We gang up on ourselves far faster and harder than we ever would another human being. And now, rather than getting the confidence boost of accomplishment, we are adding in another boulder to our "keep me down" pile if we don't follow through.

Trophies might help on the surface, but they don't give you deep down confidence.

Now, this is not to say that all your confidence comes from accomplishments.  You don't have to earn the right to joy in life or self confidence.  You are worthy simply because you ARE.  You deserve love and good things simply because you are a human and alive.  But our confidence in approaching situations is stronger when we feel it is justified confidence vs enigmatic confidence.  When we have "earned" accolades, accomplishments,  awards, recognition, and check marks showing on a list, we think better of ourselves.  We feel that we are fully competent in that field or area in which we have seen recognition.  So, for instance, working hard at your job will make you more confident because your performance is good. But again, this is not where the majority of your internal confidence comes from.  That comes from how you see yourself.  And how you treat yourself.  You have to respect yourself enough to honor your promises to yourself.

So, you're going to keep promises to yourself.  And each one will be a building block upon which you will stand as you become more and more self-assertive, confident, self-respecting, and skilled in your life.

You may think "But that's really only a few things a year that are like that.  I mean that sounds like New Years Resolution type stuff!"  Au contraire, mon frere.  See, you have the opportunity to keep promises to yourself EVERY single day!  Where? Let's start at the begining shall we? The alarm clock.  The shrill alarm on our phone.  The rooster outside (because a rooster inside is just plain silly.  and loud.  and obnoxious.  and clearly going to be dinner.).


10 daily confidence builders:
1-alarm goes off, you get up.
flat out.  no snooze.  count 54321 and get up.  Give yourself time to get ready calmly. Believe it or not you will start your day more confidently!



2-breakfast choices.  You will make good ones.  Something healthful vs. the fast and sugary crap that doesn't do you any good anyway.  You may still have caffeine.  I am not a total sadist.

DO NOT be this girl!

3-Leaving on time.  Now this may mean you adjust your alarm time, I don't know you.  I don't know your morning habits. But I can guess that some days at least you are in a panic leaving barely on time or late.  This starts a SNOWBALL of self dissapointment throughout your day.  Leaving early or on time means that you arrive on time or early. Leaving on time means you aren't tensed up on the road and calling yourself names for the trouble you think you'll get into.  It means a dozen scenarios of stress that won't be going through your mind.  Tell your shoulders I say "you're welcome".



4-Fitness Challenge.  This can be a daily workout, 5 squats during work, whatever.  I don't care if it's ONE sit-up.  If you do it, and follow through, your pride will grow....ergo your confidence.  And hey, if you are getting healthier and fitter, you'll rock body confidence even easier.



5-Stop Overcommiting. Stop. saying. yes. to. everything.  For the love of God, and all things holy, STOP IT! You will not only add stress to your life, but you will inevitably drop something and then feel crappy about it.  You will let someone down.  You will be ashamed, stressed, and either letting others down or driving yourself into the ground.  Maybe is an ok answer.  So is NO. 



6-Follow through on emails/work tasks/housework tasks:  Now I do not mean the never ending todo list.  I mean if you need dishes to eat off of, do the dishes.  If you have a proposal do at 3pm, turn it in at 230pm.  This means making priorities and sticking to them.  And it is SO WORTH IT!  Each time you succeed you will feel boosted.  Your confidence in your abilities will grow.  Your realization of how much you really can do well will grow.  And you'll enjoy your daily life more and more.

7-Be realistic with your to-do list.  Having a daily list of 20 items is almost never achievable.  When you fail to complete them all, you will doubt yourself, berate yourself, and feel like a failure in some regard most of the time.  Sometimes your list will be ONE thing.  Sometimes 5.  If it's spring cleaning, possibly 10.  Think about how long each task takes.  Factor in eating, resting, and answering your phone.  I try to keep it to 3-5 things a day.  (minus feeding myself etc)



8-Plan.  Meal plan.  Schedule plan.  Use a planner.  I'm dead serious.  This will help you with #5, #6, #7, and help you set yourself up for success.  Going to go for a run in the morning? Have your gear ready to go when you go to bed the night before.  Hop into it and set alarm on your phone or watch so you know when you need to head back.  Know what dinner is going to be before everyone is starving and you feel like you messed up by not having a plan. 



9-Evaluate your priorities.  Really.  What are the 4 most important things to you? For me: my health, my kids, my husband, and my property are my biggest right now.  So those get the most attention.  If I follow my gut and give my best to those priorities I am so much more likely to succeed in those goals, ergo gaining confidence.

10-Practice self love.  Just like we praise our toddlers when they are learning to walk all day long, you need to be your own cheerleader and source of love.  Everytime you accomplish something you've worked for, or avoided the bad habit, or had a good mental thought about yourself...PRAISE THE POOP OUT OF YOURSELF!   I mean it!  Bust into song like I do all damn day; "Look at me making a healthy lunch choice.  I am awesome.  Cause I value my bodddyyy... cause I wanna look smooookkkinnn...this is freaking yummmmyyy...mostlyyyy..."  Or with any task you have set to do for the day, check it off and instead of saying "man now I have 3 more" instead say "I killed it.  alright, time to bust out another one! Let's do this!"   Enthusiasm and self love will get you everywhere when it comes to confidence.



*BONUS TIP: get educated in the things you want to pursue.  Having the confidence of knowing what you're talking about/doing will go a LONG way in this journey!  Youtube, library, friends, creativelive.com, there are a million ways to get the info on your subject.  Use them!

TO SUM UP

 

YOU will become the source of positivity in your life, which means that it will be more fulfilling, more true to who you are, and your confidence will be real as opposed to "fake it till you make it" confidence.

I can now say that I wake up before or when my alarm goes off and without even thinking now, I am up and heading into the bathroom cheerfully and ready to start my day.  (2 months ago I would have said this wasn't possible.  Ever.)
I can say that at least half the time now, I choose the healthier food without being mad about it.
I am learning how to balance my days out and everytime I have a good home/kids/work day I feel AMAZING about myself! 
I followed through and in the last month have published two books.  Keeping that promise to myself now just makes me want to publish more of them! (I have a LOT already written, and a LOT in the works lol)
I now workout almost every day and there is a distinct difference in how the day feels to me on the days where I skip it.  I don't feel as energized, accomplished, valued, or worthy.  I broke that promise to myself which tells me subconsciously that I am not important enough to value the promises I give to myself.
I am currently trying the no added sugar challenge for a month.  And everytime I succeed in that choice I feel proud and confident in my ability to kick this addiction!

So what promises will you start keeping for yourself?